In each relationship, a turning point occurs when the honeymoon phase finishes, and the ability for mature love is being put on a test. Each couple belongs to one of the three categories. In the first, there are those who at that turning point decide to build a relationship of mature love together, in the other those who are growing apart, and in the third, those who “play games” in the end of their lives, in which nobody is either completely happy or unhappy. Come and visit or office today to know more about us.
The key to success
Three ingredients guarantee success in this plan: desire, readiness to change and love. – In order for the criticism to be constructive, we must first be mature, then we should try to learn the “language” of our partner, then talk. It works easily, is not it? Well, it’s not, but not impossible. All we need is a little desire, readiness to change and love.
It seems to me that as a society we have no ability to give or receive constructive criticism, and it is necessary for everyone who wants to grow in personal terms. Criticism can and does not have to kill love. If both sides are mature and ready for the common good, then it can only bring good. If they are immature, then criticism will serve as a justification of personal dissatisfaction and will affect negatively the relationship.
It is not surprising that the criticism is the first factor to predict divorce. People who constantly criticize risk the partner to hide things from them in order to escape the criticism.
When we say: “I can no longer argue, like a child, I have two real children and I do not want you to be my mother too!” The partner sees the following: “You are irresponsible, selfish, you are a bad person”. Ask yourself how do you feel in this situation. How would you like to change the opinion of your partner?
A criticism should be carefully served, so that the partner does not get offended and does not disturb the relationship. The first thing we can train is not to attack, but to speak from the heart. By this we become aware of our needs, we explain to our partner what is troubling us, and in the end, we ask him to change his bad habit or behavior.
Instead of saying “You did not take out the trash again”, which the partner will consider as “You are irresponsible”, we should say, “It makes me sad that I have to repeat every day that you should help me around the house more.” Or, “Dear, I have too many obligations, it would mean to me if you took over at least a small part of the housework, because it would mean that you understand how exhausted I would be. You would show that I am important to you and think about my feelings. If I do everything myself, then that is not a partnership relationship. ” A person criticized in this way will not experience the conversation as an “attack,” he will not act defensively and will actively listen to the message. When he feels attacked, the focus is on the defense instead of the message.